Raquel Leviss had a realization while watching the season 11 premiere of Vanderpump Rules.
“It’s that part of me really wanting to take accountability because that is a part of true healing and growth and how we can resolve these painful memories that we’re having to address head-on with the show,” Leviss, 29, said on the Thursday, February 1, episode of her “Rachel Goes Rogue” podcast. “I just hope that the listeners and the people that were involved know that I have done so much work on myself.”
Leviss admitted that watching the premiere made her feel emotional, especially because she’s in a different place now.
“It was hard to see because I’m in a different place than I was back then,” she confessed. “It’s a weird time warp when you’re watching a show like this and living one reality in that moment and then, months later when the episodes air, you’re living in another reality but you’re also reliving those moments that they captured on camera. And so it’s a nod to my younger self who was still in love and infatuated.”
Season 10 of the Bravo hit ended with Leviss’ affair with ex Tom Sandoval coming to light and causing the breakup between him and longtime girlfriend Ariana Madix. During the reunion special, Leviss apologized to Madix, 38, who had been dating Sandoval, 40, for nearly a decade.
“With my apology that I made at the reunion, I had all the right intentions and I was extremely sorry,” Leviss explained. “But there’s another part of an apology, which is your actions afterward, they have to align with what you’re saying.”
After filming the reunion, Leviss checked into a mental health facility but continued to communicate with Sandoval via snail mail which was delivered to Sandoval and Madix’s shared home.
“By sending him letters and being in contact for a good amount of time, I still want to take this time now to apologize again because I am in a different place than I was back then,” Leviss added. “And I can see things a lot clearer now.”
While the Pump Rules cast addressed Leviss and Sandoval’s relationship in the season 10 reunion, season 11 picked up months after the affair came to light. Leviss, for her part, opted to not return to the show. After watching the premiere, the model admitted she had mixed feelings about not being there.
“I am watching this show and I’m really having to accept the fact that I’m not on it this season, and that was a decision that I really had a lot of weight in making,” she said on Thursday. “I didn’t take that lightly, and so it’s almost like a part of me grieving what could have been in a different parallel timeline. But I do think that I made the right decision by not going back.”